April 2012

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Apr. 17th, 2012

I humored my brother and met his friend for drinks. It has been a long time since I dated and I completely forgot how contrived and uncomfortable the entire process is. The gentleman in question was... well, how do I put this nicely... he was a little too forward for my tastes. At first I thought he was just nervous, based on the amount and excess of his drinking. But when he assumed we would be returning to his car for a fling in the backseat, I was put off. To begin with, neither of us are teenagers and haven't been for quite some time. I am not a prude, not by a long shot, but it will take me more than an hour or two to get comfortable enough to sleep with someone other than my husband for the first time in years. Is it so much to be ask to be respected enough to wait until at least the second date, and a good, proper date at that? The dating world has changed so much, and not for the better in my opinion.

In other news, my practice is going well. I have managed to maintain a good balance of patients of varying needs. Some are more cooperative and open than others, but that is par for the course. I still have ample time to take on more clients, but Portage is, as much of this part of the country, not known for their acceptance of psychotherapy to address most personal and relational issues. I've never been one for activism to change that, I definitely prefer to keep my focus on my specific clients. Maybe things will change, but if not, I will continue my little practice with dedication.

Colleen has been progressing well in school, although she did have an incident recently with a bully, of sorts. I may be a bit biased, but in my opinion she is a truly beautiful girl. She is much taller than the others, and in a bit of an awkward phase, which is fodder for the mean girls and the jealousy that seem to run rampant in schools these days. She has been very upset, understandably, and I try to comfort her. I don't think it's quite reached the level of having to step in, and it is unfortunate that this has become a 'right of passage'. I'll keep an eye on it and try hard to be a supportive, but not overbearing mother.

Mar. 19th, 2012

The transition back into professional life has been smoother than expected. I suppose it is due to the more... casual nature of outpatient treatment. Of course, it has it's downfall. The no-show rate is exponentially high and I spend more time waiting for clients to show than actually in therapy. I would love to have more steady clients and work to do, but it's better to just see what comes my way. I don't need to overwhelm myself until I feel that I am completely back in the saddle again.

I really have come home, and it is such a blessing to be near my brothers again. I will admit, it is awkward having Margot work in the office for me, but it is nice to be near my sister again and Colleen is nearly attached at the hip to her cousins. I still miss Colin terribly, and our old life, but seeing my daughter laugh and smile again reminds me that this is the best place for us right now. I will always love my husband, but he is no longer with us and I need to try to start moving on for my own well-being and that of my child. My brother John has made attempts to set me up with a friend of his but I keep putting it off. I suppose I should stop avoiding it and just give it a try. It's only going out for drinks one evening.

I do need to work on improving my social life in other ways as well. Other than my siblings and their families, I haven't really socialized with anyone else about town. I'm sure there are people that I grew up with, or that know my siblings and our family from school and town and things like that. Maybe if I go back to some of my old haunting spots I will see some familiar faces or make some new friends and acquaintances. It's definitely worth trying and I've never been one to give up.

Feb. 19th, 2012

Portage Application )